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Chickens. Daffodils. But where’s my fucking chocolate Easter egg?

Sweden wins Christmas, I’ll give them that. Santa was from these parts so they know what they are doing in this regard. So, I’ve gotta give it to them, the Swedes put on a bloody great Christmas with their below zero temperatures, snow covered landscapes and warm mulled wine. Sure standing around the BBQ in Sydney, with 37°C heat and threats of bush fires whilst watching the plum pudding melt has its charm too, but if you really want to experience the perfect Christmas, Sweden wins the yuletide Olympics.

BUT DON’T GET ME STARTED ON EASTER. They don’t know what the fuck they are doing with this celebration. They seemed to have been stuffing this season up since the times of Christ, and things haven’t gotten any better since then.

Easter in Sweden, what’s gone wrong and where:

The traditions:

For Sweden, Easter’s all about witches. I mean what’s Easter without the resurrection of a good old pagan tradition? Apparently all the world’s bad spirits were let loose the minute Judas betrayed Jesus and since, there’s only been trouble. Then, during the 17th century and according to Swedish folklore, during Easter all witches would fly to Blåkulla (the Blue Mountain) to “meet” – have an orgy with – the devil. This all ties in with the 17th century witch-hunts where a lot of women (funnily enough) were executed. And what a festive little celebration for Swedish children to re-enact! Every year. Yes indeedy, Swedish children dress up as Easter hags/witches, with oversized skirts, red headscarves and painted faces and go around neighbourhood exchanging drawings for candy. How sweet.

The food: 

If you were to rock up in Sweden about this time you would be sure to find a smorgasbord of treats on the dinner table. Meatballs, small sausages, herring, cooked and smoked salmon, potatoes, stuffed eggs, and spiced schnapps. Sweden, you have got to be kidding me. HELLO, THIS IS WHAT WE EAT AT CHRISTMAS. You can’t just whack in a few extra eggs and voila, it’s an Easter menu. Oh come on! And don’t get me started on Påskmust/Easter soda, the infamous cherry soda like cola drink that tastes exactly the same as the stuff WE DRINK AT CHRISTMAS. The only flavour that is different is the label.

The treats:

Chickens. Daffodils. A few colourful feathers. But not one God damn chocolate Easter egg. I’m telling you Sweden, if you don’t get your act together by next year, I’m leaving. Sure it’s eggs galore at your local supermarket but instead of making them out of cardboard, I’ve got a better idea, why don’t you do what most other countries do and make them out of chocolate. Yes, chocolate. 20 parts sugar to one part cocoa, one part fat, it’s the perfect equation. You seem to be eager to embrace most other trends, so why not this one? Forget your bit of cardboard/plastic egg filled with sweets and goodies and get me a solid, cocoa filled deliciously large egg that’s going to keep me quite until the end of the long weekend.

What I’m trying to do about it:

For years now I’ve been trying to compensate for the whole cardboard versus chocolate Easter Egg  debacle by importing my own Australian Easter traditions into Sweden. So far I’ve tried introducing hot cross buns, the Easter Hat Parade, a lamington drive, Sydney’s Royal Easter Show and perhaps my most challenging import to date, changing spring into autumn.

At this stage nothing seems to be sticking but I’ll get back to you.

[Photos courtesy of Per-Erik Berglund + Lola+Akinmade + Fredrik Nyman/imagebank.sweden.se ]

What’s your favourite Easter treat and has anyone been fucking with it lately?


22 Comments Post a comment
  1. Eleni #

    Ah, you must come to Greece for Easter:
    chocolate eggs, hard-boiled dyed eggs, lamb on the spit, mageiritsa (lamb and herbs soup with egg and lemon sauce), tsourekia (Easter loaves), candles, fireworks, kisses — everything!

    April 5, 2012
    • Oh that sounds wonderful! Especially the kisses and fireworks!!!!

      April 6, 2012
  2. Sam #

    Thank goodness you made it out here last Easter!

    My Easter treat that’s been messed with would have to be the due date of my daughter. Due: April; born: February. At least no one messed with my chocolate…

    Good luck getting your chock bits!

    April 6, 2012
    • Yes the Easter Bunny came really really really early last year!

      April 6, 2012
  3. Oh you can take the girl out of Australia. I see a business opportunity for you here.

    Lovely so see you over at the Northern Beaches of Sydney.

    Carolyn

    April 6, 2012
  4. Easter is not Easter without chocolate. The end.

    April 6, 2012
  5. My favorite Easter treat would have to be have to be my own! I try and make something different every year! This year I made filled Easter Eggs, ones with Salted Peanut Caramel-Pistachio-and Dark Chocolate, and another with Rocky Road Ganache!

    But yes, Easter is not easter without chocolate!

    And thank you very much for your comment on my fictional blog. It has been my love for a while now and you’ve made the very first comment! It defiantly encourages me to write more with your words ❤

    April 6, 2012
    • You should absolutely write more, it was just lovely to read. And you should bake more too! Rocky Road Ganache Easter Eggs, I just died….

      April 6, 2012
  6. Do they at least have those yellow marshmellow chicks (Peeps)?

    This was very funny…thx

    Cranky Old Man

    April 6, 2012
  7. Heheh! I feel the same way when it comes to Easter in Sweden…I want lamb, I want a big-ass chocolate egg…put I am picky, I want nice Belgian chocolates in mine! 😉

    April 6, 2012
  8. Lou Lou… I’m just all about the chocolate – and not good stuff… but the brand that comes out here in Oz ONLY at Easter time.

    My dietician made me promise I wouldn’t eat any… but WTF?!! Of course I have been!

    Deb

    April 7, 2012
  9. Interesting tradition with the witches…so Easter is like Halloween. Exchanging drawings of what?

    Do you at least eat Peeps?? It’s sad that I can only eat 3 at a time without feeling sick. I used to eat bag fulls! Oh, what age does to you.

    Sorry about the chocolate! Hey at least you just got done the waffle holiday…

    April 9, 2012
    • Yes, I think it is quite like Halloween, I guess they like getting in early! Only 3 Peeps at a time? sounds like you need training… I agree, Waffle Day does make up for a lot 🙂

      April 9, 2012
  10. I’m giggling at your rage and had to stop to wipe chocolate from the corners of my mouth. My son got a dark chocolate Easter bunny from his grandma this year, and since he HATES dark chocolate, I’ve had to step up and eat it for him. How was I to know I should have overnighted the chocolate bunny it to Sweden?! Hags? Witches? Uhhh…good luck with that!

    April 9, 2012
    • Oh nice work the dark chocie, a mum’s gotta do what a mum’s gotta do!

      April 9, 2012
  11. Ha, love this! I was having some similar conversations with friends about this, especially about the Groundhog day-like Swedish smörgåsbord meal that is served at Christmas, easter, midsommar, etc.
    And not to rub it in (well, maybe a little), but my Mom sent me some Easter eggs from the US. Plus Girl Scout cookies. Yum.

    April 9, 2012
    • “Groundhog day” Bahahaha. It totally is! I should have been prepared as a scout and ordered in some as well!!!!

      April 9, 2012

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