Fun mum’s and why I’m not one.

A few weeks back I made a promise to myself to become a ‘fun mum’. You know the type, the style of mum you always pictured yourself being, all smiles, spontaneity and sparkle. Ice cream for breakfast. Yelling competitions. Rave parties in the living room. Wearing your pj’s all day, well actually that wouldn’t be much of a change from these days.

But as of today, my little short-lived experiment is over and hence I would like to present to you, the top 3 reasons why I’m not a fun mum and will be staying that way, in order to keep my children alive.

Case study A: The iPhone Incident.

Two weeks ago I was walking home with the girls from day care. It was early afternoon, there was snow on the ground but the sun was shining in Stockholm. Bubba had been chatting away, the whole 40 minute walk and life was good. As we rounded the final corner I thought I would do a quick check in with TSH and let him know that we were nearly home and that Bubba had had a great day at day care. I reached into my pocket and found that my iPhone was missing! I checked all my pockets and all the pram in a frantic, frenetic way but it was gone. I knew I had had it when we had begun our walk home so in theory, it had to be lying on the ground somewhere between point A and point B. And as you know, as this is my third iPhone, our insurance company had already informed me that they would not be covering this phone. (Actually they had told me that they ‘probably’ wouldn’t cover another phone to which I replied I ‘probably’ wouldn’t be paying my monthly fee to them as that was the whole point of having insurance and how could they even say that because the first two phones had been STOLEN and it had totally not been my fault you Swedish brat.)

I started running back, searching and searching, retracing my steps. I couldn’t see it and the closer I got to day care the more frantic I became. Was it stolen already? we can’t afford another one! bloody insurance company! TSH is going to kill me! I asked a random women on the street to use her phone to call my phone. I was so stressed I had trouble remembering my number but when I did the phone was turned off. Considering it had been one when I lost it, I presumed it had been stolen and the sim card taken out.

I will no longer be dancing in fields

We turned around and headed home. Half way back, a car slowed down and the women asked if I was looking for a phone? YES, I AM AND BY THE WAY I LOVE YOU! was the reply. She had found it outside her home and if I went down the street to house no.7 I could pick it up from her husband. BLESSED WOMEN. When I got to house no.7, I realised what had happened and how I had lost the phone. I had been trying to be a FUN MUM.

Earlier in the day as we got to the top of the hill and were on our way down past house no.7, Bubba said “Run mummy run! Run mummy run!” I was buggered and would have rather taken a nap than run with a 30kg double pram downhill through the snow but the voice inside my head was taunting me with BE A FUN MUM, BE A FUN MUM. So we ran, we ran and the girls loved it and my phone then fell out of my pocket outside house no.7. I rang TSH and told him the whole story and ended off with saying I was so lucky to get my phone back and that my fun mum days were over. But they weren’t.

*Side note: the women who found my phone was a mum from Théa’s daycare. Small world!  Also, when I got my phone back I saw there were no missed calls so that means when I was panicking and trying to ring my phone, I couldn’t even remember my own number and must have called someone else.

Case Study 2: Cannonball Run.

Fast forward a few days on the same road, the same hill, the same little girl calling out “Run mummy run! Run mummy run!”, the same tired mum, the same voice inside chanting BE A FUN MUM, BE A FUN MUM. With my iPhone safely tucked away in my bag, I decided to once again be a fun mum. I started to run. The sun was shining, both girls thought it was hilarious and were giggling away. Life was good. As we slowed to a canter I don’t know what happened but we hit ice or the curb or something and Bubba shot out of the pram like a cannonball! Using her face as a brake, she came to a holt. Gravel rash on her forehead, nose, both cheeks and her chin and me with an award for Mother of the Year.

Case Study 3: Poo head.

Last week I came to pick Bubba up from daycare a little early. I took the Flash in with me and we joined them for afternoon snack time. Bubba absolutely loved showing off ‘my little sister, my little sister!’ to all and the Flash sat there munching on a bit of fruit and thinking she was all that. It went so well that I thought I would earn even more FUN MUM points, so the next day we stayed even longer and joined in for ‘song circle’. Bubba could not believe how lucky she were to have the Flash there and sang and sang, loudly in her face. All the kids loved the Flash and the Flash was so happy to be with all the big kids and thought she was all that.

The next day we turned up to hear the news that 7 out 10 kids were at home with stomach flu. Vomiting and diarrhea, the whole works. Horror struck, I had visions of the both of them/all of us getting ill. What had I been thinking taking a baby in to the Centre for Infectious Disease that is toddler day care? Turns out, FUN MUMS are stupid too. Probably because Bubba and ourselves have already had every disgusting day care disease that you can have, we seem to be in the clear however it is not so for the Flash. She is on day 6 of diarrhea and not really having so much fun.

So there you have it. I’m retiring from being a fun mum for the sake and safety of my children and normal programming will return. I’ll be a bit over it all, slightly cranky and using the word ‘No!’ on regular occasions.