The World’s Hottest Party

Last weekend when the temperature soared to +2°C, we had a family outing to a nature reserve called Hellasgården. It’s a beautiful place with lots of activities and with a thermos filled with hot chocolate handy, how could it not be great? Beside the lake there is a public sauna that was in full swing. This meant, dear friends, that unfortunately I got to see more of Sweden then I bargained for. A lot more.

Let me warn you now, if you are bound for Scandinavia then there is a risk you might be invited into a small room, heated to almost 100°C and then asked to take your clothes off. Welcome to the world’s hottest party.

Top 10 tips on how to survive in a sauna:

First appearing in Finland in the 1800s saunas, were an instant hit with our northern friends and it’s a trend that never seemed to go out of Scandinavian fashion. No cabin in Denmark is complete without one, there’s something called a Swedish Sauna Academy, and the Russians have been known to build them in their battleships. But the blue ribbon goes to the Finns – where there are more sauna’s than cars and on UN international peace-keeping missions, the Finnish military build saunas in their permanent camps, alongside their defences. For those of you travelling north, please follow this EU approved 10-point emergency plan for surviving your first sauna party:

1. Take all your clothes off. Feel the freedom and joy of issue-based conversations with your Nordic hosts as you stand there with your bits out.
2. Take a shower. It is considered good sauna etiquette to be clean before you begin. Everyone needs etiquette at this point – you are nude.
3. Enter the sauna and try not to pass out on your way in – this is a real rookie mistake. Fortunately, you are allowed to take a towel in – this will save your butt from burning off when you sit down.
4. Stay inside for as long as you can bare.
5. When you can’t take any more, the Swedish Sauna Academy advises the cool-down methods of ‘jumping into a lake, or rolling in the snow’. Don’t stay in for too long though, as you will die.
6. Upon entering the sauna again, you may be handed a birch branch. Dip the birch into water and then beat the devil out of yourself with it. This encourages circulation, amongst other things.
7. If you can still breathe, increase the humidity by throwing water on the stones.
8. Once you experience near death hallucinations, walk away from the white light and exit the sauna. Once again ‘refresh’ yourself with a dip in the nearby frozen lake and repeat the fun all over again.
9. The final step is to shower again, put your clothes back on and ring home to tell everyone you survived.
10. Warm up with a nip of vodka, you’ve sure earned it. And another one, perhaps.