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The day I found out I was stupid.

 “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. “

Socrates 

Not that it was my choice, but I ended up having my first child at age 35 and had thus had enough time to witness friends and family pop out kids left, right and centre. You see, having a child at that life stage also gave me the opportunity to have many, many years of highly presumptive and very know-it-all thoughts about how I would raise my child and exactly what type of parent I would be. Then I actually had a baby:

My child won’t use a dummy/pacifier.

My child sucks on that thing so much, she gave herself a rash.

My child will only eat home-made nutritious baby food, none of this store bought stuff.

Dinner's ready

She’s eaten a hell of a lot of food from a jar, a can, tetra packs, stuff found on the floor and Mac Donalds.

My child won’t eat food in her pram/car seat, it gets all messy and gross.

Our pram used to be a light beige colour but is now a dark brown shade with permanent banana marks on it. We don’t even own a car.

My child won’t crawl around on dirty airport floors.

Before she was 1 my child had crawled around the dirty floors of Heathrow, Stockholm, Hong Kong, Melbourne and Sydney airports.

My child won’t watch TV, it’s for lazy parents.

My child is 20 months old and knows her way around the remote. She can name every Wiggle.

My child will never scream like that.

My kid’s the loudest of the lot. God got me back.

My child won’t be allowed in our bed, we will keep it all to ourselves, the last bastion of baby-free bliss.

You can’t roll over without getting a Spot the Dog book wedged into your back, a maraca in your face or a tiny finger up your nose.

Oh Hubris, what an haughty women you are, you got the last laugh. So I’d love to know, what post-baby conversation would you like to have with yourself? How long did it take for you to realised that you knew nothing? Personally, I had to get off my high horse from the day she was born.

16 Comments Post a comment
  1. I enjoyed reading this post. I also thought I knew it all, and then my children were born.

    March 19, 2012
  2. Well, I had to overcome my horror at the fact that I — a nerd, an A-pupil, a girl who passed every exam — would have a child that won’t get her brains together to study for school.
    That I — the language learner, the translator — would have a daughter who started learning English at 13 (no, I didn’t push her earlier, I wanted her to jump wholeheartedly into it).

    I had to come to terms with the idea that, when I used to say “Okay, college/university is not for everyone, if they don’t like it,” I would have to accept this for my child too — and not hold grudges against her decision and tendencies. It wasn’t easy, I can tell you!

    March 20, 2012
    • Well, children certainly give us surprises everyday don’t they. You plan it one way. They plan it the other!

      March 20, 2012
  3. Kia #

    Trodde att jag kunde följa dom reglerna för i alla fall mitt andra eller tredje barn… Men nej…

    Kramkram Kia

    March 20, 2012
    • Ha! the more, the merrier and more rules to break!

      March 20, 2012
  4. Agnes #

    Very grand of you to share! And I completely agree; my kids immediately threw me off that high horse I was prancing on.

    March 20, 2012
    • Yep, prancing was fun while it lasted but in the end you zig and they zag…

      March 20, 2012
  5. warning: This comment’s going to be long b/c I thought your post was HILARIOUS as always and so honest!

    1. Pacifier: Grandpa made us stop giving it to our son. Glad he did though. And I learned that there’s no harm in giving him a pacy in the hospital after delivery. He’s either going to be good at breastfeeding or not. A pacy’s not going to make or break it.
    2. Food: Our son ate “natural” jarred foods, which are still full of sodium, sugar, and other not-so-natural stuff. It’s just so convenient! Eventually we made our own food (and by we, I mean me).
    3. Eating in car: After he’s pooped and puked in it, is food going to make a difference?
    4. Crawl: LOL on the airports she’s crawled in. My hubby got judged when he let our son crawl on the dirty linoleum of the department of motor vehicles. I’m so glad our son’s walking now though he still likes to crawl and it makes me cringe.
    5. TV: Heck ya we watch it. You have an iPad? We don’t but have an iPhone which he’s allowed to watch when he’s sick or it’s the weekend. I love TV, why can’t he?
    6. Scream: Who cares what others’ think? If they knew me, they’d understand.
    7. Bed: Sorry, can’t relate. He’s only ever slept in our bed as an infant.

    When I realized I knew nothing and all child-free people should keep their “sage” advice to themselves –> as soon as the medication wore off during labor.

    March 20, 2012
    • Ha ha! LOL. Sounds very similar. Good point about cars seats/prams, they get their fair share of liquid goods on them that’s for sure, why not a bit more? We don’t have an Ipad either but she is in love with my Iphone. “As soon as the medication wore off” – same here!

      March 20, 2012
  6. Oh, and you’re not stupid, you’re actually now smarter to have realized these things and can move on like normal people.

    March 20, 2012
  7. I like you.

    March 20, 2012
  8. westendbaby #

    Oh god I’ve totally had to eat humble pies by the bucketload since becoming a mum. Literally almost every ‘rule’ I’d made before having Little Bug has been broken. I give her biscuits and park her infront of Baby Einstein DVDs!

    April 12, 2012
    • “I give her biscuits and park her infront of Baby Einstein DVDs!” CLASSIC!

      April 12, 2012
      • westendbaby #

        organic vanilla-wheat cookies….obviously….

        April 12, 2012

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