The day I found out I was stupid.
“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. “
Not that it was my choice, but I ended up having my first child at age 35 and had thus had enough time to witness friends and family pop out kids left, right and centre. You see, having a child at that life stage also gave me the opportunity to have many, many years of highly presumptive and very know-it-all thoughts about how I would raise my child and exactly what type of parent I would be. Then I actually had a baby:
My child won’t use a dummy/pacifier.
My child sucks on that thing so much, she gave herself a rash.
My child will only eat home-made nutritious baby food, none of this store bought stuff.
She’s eaten a hell of a lot of food from a jar, a can, tetra packs, stuff found on the floor and Mac Donalds.
My child won’t eat food in her pram/car seat, it gets all messy and gross.
Our pram used to be a light beige colour but is now a dark brown shade with permanent banana marks on it. We don’t even own a car.
My child won’t crawl around on dirty airport floors.
Before she was 1 my child had crawled around the dirty floors of Heathrow, Stockholm, Hong Kong, Melbourne and Sydney airports.
My child is 20 months old and knows her way around the remote. She can name every Wiggle.
My child will never scream like that.
My kid’s the loudest of the lot. God got me back.
My child won’t be allowed in our bed, we will keep it all to ourselves, the last bastion of baby-free bliss.
You can’t roll over without getting a Spot the Dog book wedged into your back, a maraca in your face or a tiny finger up your nose.
Oh Hubris, what an haughty women you are, you got the last laugh. So I’d love to know, what post-baby conversation would you like to have with yourself? How long did it take for you to realised that you knew nothing? Personally, I had to get off my high horse from the day she was born.