The Crown of Fun
“Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”
Winston Churchill
Thanks to the joys of Swedish socialism and with careful budgeting and support from our families, we were able to spend the first 10 months of her life, both being full time parents. We didn’t know if I would ever get pregnant again or if adoption would work out so we decided to enjoy this time together as a family. After 10 months, I took over as a stay at home mum and had a ball and then quite recently, I returned to work and TSH took over. My daughter and TSH have therefore a very, very strong bond. He’s been a very present, hands-on figure for all of her little life.
Now I know my daughter loves me, in the mornings when I pull her into our bed, I get one thousand smiles and lots of cosy hugs. She also tries to French kiss me. However, I can also see quite clearly that the love light shines a little stronger on Daddy. A lot stronger actually. And it’s been like this since day one.
You should never compete with your partner for the affection of your children. I say that purely because it’s a battle I’m never going to win. There are squeals of glee when he enters the room, tears and a tanty when he leaves. When I leave for the day there are no tears or ‘mummmyy don’t go’ it’s more like I get a wave, a dance and a ‘ciao bella’. Daddy can appear any time of day or night and always receives a standing ovation. When I walk in, after a day at work for example, all I get is a shake of the head and a look that means, where the fuck have you been? If you think you can just waltz in and out, you’ve got another thing coming mum. It usually takes about 20 minutes of warm up time before I get a hug or a smile.
It also doesn’t help, the fact that she calls me ‘pappa’. Pappa is pappa, mummy is pappa. It’s just pappa, pappa, pappa around here. I was told that the ‘m’ sound was easy for babies and that’s why the name for mother in many languages starts with a ‘m’. Not for my kid, however. My husband told me not to worry, that is just a phase she is going through, so I told him, “What? a phase that’s going to last 21 years?”. But I get it, dads and daughters, daughters and dads, it’s a pretty special thing. I’ve got a thing for her dad too.
And then I got a text message from a friend in America. Her son was behaving the same way with the love lamp strongly positioned towards ‘Daddy’. It got to the stage where she contacted her pediatrician, whom gave her this response: This is very normal behavior. There will be a time when he cries for you more than dad. How now he associates dad with more infrequent exotic fun, but depends on mom for more routine and daily fun things that he will cry for also… She now informs me a few weeks later, that her daily fun things still aren’t so fun but daddy’s infrequent exotic fun is just hilarious.
So maybe it is more of a mum/dad thing. Mums can be counted on to always be around and can be relied upon to supply life’s necessities. But dads are just bloody awesome!!!
I decided to google this topic and found this rather inspiring poem, with a poignant message for all children:
Breakfast is ready. Thanks Dad!
Well fuck you Anonymous. And for your information, I bet that the whole dessert for breakfast thing was invented by the same genius whom discovered how to get alcohol out of a potato, a women.
So I would love to know, who wears the crown of fun at your place?
[Photos courtesy of http://www.sxc.hu ]
loulouloves 
Well put! Daddy has definitely got the crown, although recently (as exhaustion set in) mummy’s getting a look in when a ‘sensible’ influence is desired. Nice, but why do I have to be the sensible one?!
Ha! The Crown of Sensible Decisions, it doesn’t really have a ring to it!
Daddy definitely wins around here. Baby likes me, but Daddy get’s the “light up the face” grin. Although, in the last few weeks I’m pretty sure the dog has replaced both of us in terms of sheer fun. Baby grins and laughs whenever he sees the dog. And then grins and laughs some more.
Dog beats Dad. I love it!
How wonderful you were at home for the first 10 months! I actually “dumped” my son into daycare at age 3 months. The poor boy! When I had my second son (Son1 was only 17 months) I gave up work and spend some lovely years at home with them both.
I am more strict than my husband (most of the time, at least) and they will more likely ask favours of him (they are 13 and 14 now). But I don’t really see any “love” difference, never have, luckily. Actually, I think when they get to be teenagers you’re just happy when they’re still talking to you! 🙂
I think that if you have teenagers that actually talk at all, that you must have done a very good job with them! Well done!
The kids want Daddy when it’s time to play and Mama to help them feel better when they’re sad. Now that you mention it, seems like I might have the raw end of the deal!
omg i know how you feel i think you need to look up the album Momnipotent by Nancy White
Ha! thanks for the tip. I checked it out…
Daddy for play time and Mommy for needing that hug to feel better.
It can be discouraging sometimes, but I’m sure my mom felt the same way.
I think my mum might have felt the same too 🙂
That’s so sweet I loved the poem. How nice you don’t feel jealous over the bond they have formed . You seem like lovely parents
I love how close they are, I was just the same 🙂
Daddy usually wears the crown at our home. Joyful squeals always accompany his arrival. Now that they are older, when I leave for a few hours, they also rejoice when I return. it’s a nice feeling.
I definitely was a daddy’s girl as a child – probably because I was with my mom all the time but my dad was away at work so it was more exciting when he showed up every night. Then there was a phase where I spent more time with mom shopping (dad is not into that) and now it is more evenly spread that im in my 20s.
This is a great post! I would have to say Dad wears the crown in this family too.
Oh buggar!
The great benefit to your child favoring your husband is that he is the person the little one goes to when there’s a problem. That’s kind of nice.
Gosh, I love that Churchill quote!
Mom gets the crown of fun in my house. Daddy is the warden.
Stopping by from the 100 Comments event.
http://www.AsToldByLisa.com
Yay!
That is great that both parents could stay home with the wee one for ten months. When I had my first I had to go back to work after 9 weeks maternity leave since my husband had recently been laid off. After about 9 months I found a job working at home. That worked out pretty good, although the work was always there and I found that stressful. Your baby will soon learn to pronounce Mama, rest assured. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story with us.
I don’t have kids, but the cat loves me more!
Excellent work!
For our kids, Daddy is definitely the ‘fun’ one, but Mummy is who the kids want when they’re hurt or upset! It’s always hard when your kids reject you for the other parent – but all normal and part of kids and growing up!
It depends at my house. There have been stages when all the children have preferred one over the other. When they are newborns, they have all preferred me. From about 1 year to 2.5 years, it’s always about Daddy. I have one son who prefers me and one who prefers Daddy. The younger ones are still up in the air.
Good luck with the younger ones 🙂
Children do take moms for granted and treasure their time with Dad possibly because they see much less of him!
I like that you openly talk about this. My son used to call both me and his dad, “ma ma”. Totally bothered my husband. But that stage lasted, oh, 2 months! And now he’s 8 and shares a passionate hobby of sports with his dad. It all evens out, or ebbs and flows depending on life.
I’m sure it will even out. Eventually!
Just enjoy them while you can. Later you both will be begging for attention from them.
My kids go in spurts. They both said daddy before saying mommy. One week it seems like they love mommy more and the next week it’s daddy.
My son and I are best friends and I am home with him all the time so he wants me more than his dad who works a lot of weird hours but he does miss him and likes to call him and when he gets home for the first couple hours it is all daddy but once daddy sits down Charlie goes back to being my boy as he knows I am the one who will quit what I am doing to play with him. Plus I take him to school and stay with him and I am the one who plays soccer with him even though daddy coaches him so it is split her as it depends on what he needs as to who he likes better.
I’m a single mom, so I have no one to compete with. My son talks to his dad on the phone but rarely ever sees him. I guess I do compete with my mom some days, since she’s the Grams and spoils him more than I do!
Grams are great!
Daddy wears the crown here, but I think it’s because I stay at home with our son all day. I’m sure he gets tired of seeing me lol My husband works full time outside the home, so when he walks in the door, our son is all “He’s home!!!!” complete with hugs and smiles.
Ya know, I can’t say for sure which one of us our kids gravitate to. Probably me b/c I stay at home, but they love their daddy to pieces. He’s great at engaging them when he’s here. I think it will change as they get older and go through different stages. I have boys and a girl, and I’d say there’s no difference at this point between their attachment levels.
I really feel for you. I don’t think your daughter loves your husband more than you, but there is clearly a difference in attachment. I highly recommend getting some books on attachment issues from the library, as there are some great techniques you can use to help the child feel equally attached to both parents.
-Viva recently posted Homemade Pizza Dough
My sister wrestled with this for awhile as much niece seems to prefer her day. Now that she is a little older, her preference isn’t as strong.
My boys are both like that. I’m the one who takes them to the park, takes them to do fun stuff like hiking, the dinosaur museum, or the zoo, snuggles and reads to them. But dad is more fun, because he isn’t as strict. I’ve learned to just deal with it.
As for that poem:
A father is someone that
holds your hand at the fair – Maybe, but he only takes them to the “fair” once a year. I take them fun places at least once a week.
makes sure you do what your mother says
holds back your hair when you are sick – I am *always* the one who takes care of the sick kids. I even had to clean up a vomit-covered (and I do mean *everywhere*) bathroom and kid by myself in the middle of the night at 8 months pregnant.
brushes that hair when it is tangled because mother is too busy – is he kidding?
lets you eat ice cream for breakfast
but only when mother is away
he walks you down the aisle
and tells you everything is gonna be Ok!
That’s the stupidest poem I’ve ever seen. I agree with you completely.
I know! I just love ‘when mother is too busy’!!
my kids all went through the “daddy channel” phase too. it passes. then it goes back. its got its ups and downs. its hard the first time the kids want daddy and not me- its hit hard and made me cry every time- even though for at least a year prior, only mommy could soothe their upset ness.
hang in there – it’ll get better….
Well, yes, the poem is quite stupid… and mushy…
I had similar issues when my daughter was younger, and she expressed them quite strongly too. Now she’s a teenager and mommy is restored to her throne — even a bit higher than dad 😉 Don’t lose your patience; try to see things under perspective.
Great work! So now I’m looking forward to the ‘difficult teenage’ years 🙂
Well, they sure are difficult, no arguing on this one — but at least they’re rewarding in several aspects!
All kids go through it. And we deal with it. We might be mad but we do what we do.
kinda sucks for you, but cool that dad is so involved.
My 16 month old daughter is definitely closer to me, but she does love her daddy. And just for the record, she said dada, nana, papa, manda, and doggie before she finally said Mama at 11 months old. I was devastated all that time, thinking that I was last on her priority list. My mother reminded me that she didn’t have to say mama because I was always there. Now I want to change my name sometimes because it’s mama mama mama!!
When my kids were young, Daddy would coem home from work and they would have so much fun for an hour every night.
What a great daddy!
My girls love to play silly games with Daddy. But, they also help him remember to shut the kitchen cupboards and turn off lights! Soo funny.
Classic!
My husband always wanted to be friends with our children so of course that meant I was the big meanie.
This happens a looooot 😀 😀 😀
I think it ebbs and flows where the attention may go- at least is does with my kids 🙂
When kiddo was a baby, Daddy was definitely her favorite, she would squeal with delight when she saw him! I do think (she’s 5 now), that I am her preferred parent 🙂
Good work!
What a funny, lovely post, and congratulations on your lovely little girl. May she have every happiness and a full life. Happily, the fun crown has passed joyfully between daddy and I, though our daughter is definitely a daddy’s girl and our son is mom’s guy. Now that I’m a full-time SAHM, I’m probably closer to them and more conspiratorial. You make an important point in saying that parents should never compete for their children’s affections.
Peace and good.
I remember those days when the kids got so excited when dad would get home from work! Now he wonders what happens because the only ones who get excited for him are the dogs. Dads bring in different ways to have fun, different ways to view life, etc. so I get why dad commands attention at different times in our kids lives.
We are lucky to have one of each, my son & his dad tend to butt heads, but at the same time he is the super awesome fun one! My daughter is too young but I think it will be much the same.
It depends on the child and the day at my house. Little boy is always excited when daddy gets home. But daddy is not allowed to sing the ABC song because that is what I do and little boy doesn’t like to have daddy do mommy’s job 🙂
Oh I love that, you wear the ABC Song Crown… good work!
Daddy is definitely the king of fun around here. He loves to get down on the floor and rough house and run around like one of the kids!
I admit it. Dads are pretty fun!
In our house it will go between my husband and myself for my son. Which ever he sees as more his way at the time. But I think he does prefer my husband more. My daughter is abou the same with both of us as I think she is old enough now to associate different things with each of us she likes. But I have seen households where the kids do favor one parent over the other.
I think I hear you saying, “It hurts.” That’s understandable. You might even liken it to a form of rejection, which never feels good. The fact that you accept it and let her license her own feelings is important. She will very likely go through a stage where the two of you will be best friends, swap clothes, and shop together. It will come. You’re a wise lady to let nature take its course. Deb
No kids yet, but I have a feeling the crown of fun will be my husband =)
I have three girls and daddy is the favorite. I like the comment about not competing for a childs affection.
It’s baby stock. Some days your stock is up and others it’s down. It will continue to change forever, but just like the stock market, every day has the potential to re-bound!
Baby stock, I love that idea, I’m pretty confident in my long-term value…
I understand how you feel. My oldest son has always “liked” my husband more even as a 6 month old. I think it’s because he rough houses more with him. I used to cry about it but now that my son is almost 6 he’s more even but I still know daddy is his favorite.
Sometimes I get jealous of my husband too because the kids like to roughhouse with him or they cry for him when I send them to their rooms or take away a toy. But at the end of the day, they still love me and want to be comforted by mom. I’m just thankful that my kids have 2 parents at home with them every day.
I think they will be thankful for that also, when they grow up…
I’m sure it will go back and forth, just one of the many joys of parenting!
I remember telling my hubby when our daughter was newborn and wouldn’t be in anyone’s arms but mom’s that someday he’d be king and I’d be chop liver. Now that she’s 2 – that’s totally the case!
Ooohh the old chop liver crown… you’re were a wise women!
I can relate it though I have no kids. My nephew prefer to go with his daddy than his mommy because his daddy gives what he wants. LOL
That’s what my mom also says, that our favorite is our father. Which is not true of course.
My niece and nephew light up for both parents. They’re with their mom all day, so when their dad gets home, they naturally get excited for him, but love for both is evident.
Lovely!
My Daddy always had the crown. Thanks for sharing that poem. Have a beautiful evening!!
I can’t say much my first 2 said Mommy first (and often) and the 3rd is going to be Daddy’s girl.
It sounds like she’s going to have a great life. You’ve given her a wonderful foundation already!
Thank you!
They love their daddy too. I get them all to myself pretty much until they are 18 months old then they love to hang out with daddy more then me. Sad.
Since we have dogs at the house and not kids, I’ll have to answer that one concerning our doggies. Who dearly love to play with the husband, but when it comes to cuddling, they want me.
suzy
Don’t have kids but my nephews scream and cheer from pure excitement when I walk into a room. My sister gets so upset. lol. I can be the fun one since they are not my kids. Right? lol
HaHa don’t worry, you will get your turn. Then it will be daddy’s turn again then your turn…its a never ending cycle with children. I say enjoy it while it lasts and just know that she loves you just as much as daddy.
Thanks for this great post!
Pamela
Still Dating My Spouse
http://www.stilldatingmyspouse.com
Visiting from the 100 comment blog hop.
I don’t have any kids, but relationships between parents and children can and do change.
No kids, but if we did have, I would totally be the fun one.
As much fun as I try to be, I’ve got 3 little Princesses who love their daddy to pieces. They get to choose who reads them bedtime stories and it’s 90% of the time going to be Daddy. My kids also went through a mom is dad stage. Daddy gets squeals of joy when he gets home from work, mommy goes out for a little and comes back to “hi mom”. but I know they love me.
I’m sure they do…
In our house, Mom is practical while Dad is a ball of fun. This balance works for us, and I love that my kids love Daddy-time.
Yep, I love it too…
I think kids go through phases where they prefer one parent over the other. It’s just a normal part of growing up.
Wendy
Around My Family Table
Currently daddy. However that wasn’t the case a few months ago. For most of the past year they wanted almost nothing to do with him and always required me to be there. Then something changed. I can’t tell you the exact date, but is was in December. Suddenly, they were like glue on him. I would turn around and actually not run into a kid; it was nice. He would come home from work, and couldn’t even get his shoes off before he suddenly had gained 85 pounds. However, when they are tired or hurt, it isn’t always daddy they call for. It is a stage, and things will shift. Even as an adult, though, I still prefer my mom, though I didn’t realize it till I had kids. My thinking is that it is because she spent the most time with us. I’m just more used to her and her way of doing things. Doesn’t mean I love my dad any less, though.
I think you are right, things will shift. That must be nice for him to get such a welcome after a hard days work…
It is about half and half for us so I guess we take turns wearing the crown.
My hubby stayed at home for a bit and my son was attached to him for the longest time. But then he turned around and now he’s attached to me. Which of course I secretly love. Anyways, like the doc said, your daughter will come around! You could also encourage dad to do stuff with you and her. I find that if I just leave the room too, my boy plays fine with daddy. It’s when I linger that he keeps calling for me. Good luck!
Thanks!
Haha, that poem is hilarious and I love that your friend called the Dr. about the situation. I have to say, Mama is said a lot around the house. She calls the sitter Mama, daddy is mama, random silent moments get broken with a yelp of Mama, but mama though is Milk! So not sure what to think about that situation! Daddy for sure wears the crown of fun. Daddy taught her (now 16 months) to open zip loc bags, open dvd cases, turn on and off the DVD player and TV, insert DVDs into player, and daddy allowed her the first bite of sweets. Yeah, Mama is boring, strict, and just milk!
Thanks for sharing the post, it was really funny!
Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it. It sounds like he is cheating! My bubba loves zip lock bags and the DVD player also… I think we might be onto something…
It was different at different ages. When they were young it was usually Dad. Now that their teens it’s me.
My kids are both teens and not sure they want either one of us 🙂 But when they were little, Daddy would play hard with them (swing them, wrestle them, etc.) and he was so much fun. I did more of the soft stuff like tend to boo boos and rock them to sleep! Those were good days! I liked our roles fine!!! Sweet post (and how cool is it that you both got to be stay home parents for 10 months!!)!
I know! Good luck the the teen years!
At our house, the boys give me that kind of attention and the girls give Daddy that kind of attention. At least that’s how it was when they were really little. It has evened out a bit as they’ve gotten older.
Great post!
Thanks so much! Glad to hear it’s evened out…
I can tell that you love your daughter so much. You are so fortunate that your husband stays home with her and that her affections are for him instead of someone who is not family. Keep loving. Stopping by from the 100 comments event.
We have three boys and they all seem to choose differently. Our 5 and 3 year old really like daddy because he wrestles but when it comes to reading or coloring or the such they usually choose mom. My 2 year old is definitely a mama’s boy right now but that may change as he gets older.
I have a boy and a girl and I would say that the love and fondness is split down the middle between me and dad. They go to him for certain things and me for others.
Now the dog? She is plainly my baby. I am her world. It is sorta creepy but it is what it is. I think if she could she would knock off my whole family to be alone with me. LOL.
~Allie
Oh that is wonderful, I love dogs you are so lucky, glad you are wearing that crown at least 🙂
Reminds me of an old Bill Cosby video when he was caring for his kids. He gave them chocolate cake for breakfast because it had the 4 food groups in it. They sang “Dad is great. Gave us the chocolate cake”
Ha!
I have 5 children ranging in age from 1 1/2 to 15 and I can say that they all have “loved” one of us more than the other, seemingly, and in a while, they are turning their affections elsewhere. I am not the working parent, but I can somewhat relate, since when Dad comes home, he gets the “Daddy’s home!” scream everyday!!! I spend the day schooling, cleaning, making them do chores and making them behave. I wouldn’t trade either role, as I try to treasure each and every movment of these young years.
5 children, you are my hero!
I love that you both got to stay home for the first 10 months! That’s lovely.
My middle child has gone from Mama’s boy to Daddy’s boy, back to Mama’s boy and guess what? He has been stuck on Daddy’s boy for… oh… say… about one full year and he is only 3.5 years old! The only reason he even started out a Mama’s boy is because I nursed him! Daddy didn’t have to goodies! 🙂 But ya know, I’m okay with this preferring one parent over the other thing. I like watching how my husband responds to our children when they only want him. I can tell it makes him feel special and loved- I get a kick out of that. Plus, let’s face it, I need a break on the couch once in a while!
Oh I love my couch time too!
I don’t have kids, but I do have a cat that seems to scare everyone off for some reason. Everyone but me, of course. I think they just don’t understand her like I do (and how would they, if they just met her?) and then don’t believe me when I tell them what she like and doesn’t like a person to do around her. Um, hello? She’s my cat! I would know!
A misunderstood cat, I’ve heard of that before!
It’s different with every child. My daughter seems to have a special bond with my husband, and my sons with me, but I think they all love us the same.
I’m sure they do!
My 4 year old is a daddy’s girl. That is okay with me. She loves me, but Daddy holds a special place in her heart.
LOL Great article! Dad definitely wears the crown of fun in this family. That’s probably because by the time he gets home, they’ve finished all the “bad” stuff, like homework and chores, and he can just participate in play time. 🙂
So glad you liked it! Thanks so much for stopping in… dads are pretty fun…
With my teen, it’s me. With my toddler, it’s daddy.
One each, that’s nice!
if it meant a golden rough brought home at the end of a working day, the little time with dad was always way more awesome than hanging with mum alllll day!
Golden Roughs are great!
I enjoyed reading this. I was always a daddy’s girl also. I think it depends on the kid maybe, and I think sometimes mom just gets taken for granted. It doesn’t mean you are loved less. It means that you are so trusted that the many things you do go unrewarded. Good luck and enjoy the journey to her adulthood!
Glad you enjoyed it, thanks!
I think we share the fun equally. We play differently, so it just depends what mood they’re in.
Haha that poem is cute. 🙂 Around here, my girls show me more affection but my son shows my husband more. I don’t know why but we accept it and just go with it. I think there might be a day when it is reversed. Who knows with kids?
Christy
http://www.alivinghomeschool.com
I’m a single mom so I’m getting all the loving in this house!
Daddy’s king of fun over here at our place. but for some reason, baby still keeps on going to me immediately after. kinda like the time with his daddy is just for a short while.
My niece around that age had a habit of calling everyone Dolly. This is my new nickname for my father.
Thanks for sharing this. Also, if you think about it from his perspective, it can be tiring for your child to need a lot of attention from him. When the love lamp switches back to you for awhile, he will get a break :).
Daddy wears the crown…but when they grow up they come running to moms shoulder to cry on about the important stuff.
I dont skateboard, surf, fish, love star wars, I bowl a ball like I have no elbow joint, I make them eat crappy vegetables and I yell because Im sleep deprived, I make them love donna hay and master chef and I dont enjoy Tv shows about all things massive, I dont like V8 cars. So who do you think wears the fun pants with three boys…I do give great cuddles and fix stuff, which are of constant request…
Well you win the Crown of Cuddles and that’s the most important one!
Kids – they can sure break our hearts sometimes! Once I went to pick my son up from my mom’s after work and he wouldn’t go home with me. I was so mad!
I’m sure that’s happened to a lot of mums!
lol my husband will definitely wear the crown of fun with our boys around here and I am okay with that. I am mommy – cuddle and snuggle master, booboo fixer and master fingerpainter:)
Excellent!
My daughter’s first word was “Papa!” which stands for Grandpa! Then it was “dadda!” for her Daddy. THEN she learned how to say “Mommy” As she is my only daughter, and I’ve been DYING for a baby girl for 9 years, it hurt. But I soon learned that she completely adores each of us, just in a different way. She has a unique relationship with each one of us, and when she needs that need filled, that is the person she wants.
Papa-grandpa is full of fun and spoils her rotten times ten!
Daddy- is all for the fun games and also spoils her rotten.
Mommy- is for all the love, cuddles, kisses, hugs, and calmer play time. i also spoil her rotten, but I’m also the one that has to teach the lessons and discipline, etc.
Congratulations on your long awaited daughter! We had to wait 4 years for ours so I know how you feel. Sounds like she is surrounded by lots of love!
Right now we have the opposite problem. My hubby is feeling a little left out because while she loves playing and having fun with daddy everything else is all mommy. Sleep time, feed time, general upset all have to be solved by mommy. She is in a clingy mood but hubby says, “she isn’t clingy to me.” I said, “Just wait there will be a time when I’m chopped liver.” I know soon this special daughter/daddy thing will take over. I’m already kind of dreading the rejection.
Wll reading all the comments, it does seem to go in periods so I think daddy will get a look in soon…good luck!
i love his quotes…..here is another great one! good read by the way…
“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” — Winston Churchill
Love it…